‘HOW TO DETECT A PATRIOT AT THANKSGIVING’

THE SAVAGE NATION & STAFF (Originally published November 21, 2018)

  • He or she actually embrace or celebrates the holiday as an American tradition.
  • Speaks more than 50 words of English
  • Served in the Military
  • Salutes the flag
  • Stands for the National Anthem and puts hand over heart
  • Married to a person of the opposite sex and has children
  • Was once a boy scout
  • Grandfather fought in WW II to defeat the Nazis
  • Great Grandfather fought in WW I
  • Great, Great, Great Grandfather fought in the Civil War to free the slaves
  • Would run into a burning building to save a child
  • Believes in a nation’s borders
  • Celebrates the nation’s culture
  • Thinks the national language should be the one that’s been spoken for over 200 years
  • Owns at least one firearm
  • Loves and worships God
  • Attends religious services regularly
  • Says a prayer before eating a meal
  • Has a job
  • Able to hold conversation with someone with a different opinion without running out of the room crying “racist!”
  • Remembers the words to the pledge of allegiance, using “under God”
  • Can name more than 1 person they knew who served in military
  • Loves his or her mother
  • Drinks beer
  • Opens the door for a woman
  • Pulls a seat out so a woman can sit
  • Knows the words to God Bless America
  • Is NOT constantly ‘triggered’
  • Actually pays taxes
  • Doesn’t have on a black mask while holding a melee weapon
  • Isn’t in a safe space
  • Prefers the stars and stripes over a hammer and sickle
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